Shock, terror, awe!

A bit I wrote before Trump was ever even elected:

I'm mostly tired of being ironic about the orange man running for president who looks like a slab of raw chicken with a bran loaf on top and more interested in talking about how fucked up the shitstorm of followers he has generated is. I fantasize about standing face-to-face with a really fervent Trump supporter and hocking a loogey on their shoes before sneering a good, raspy "Fuck You." But I remind myself it's just a big farce in the end, which is why what I really wish is for a thousand protestors to march into a major Trump rally dressed like Ethel Merman and do absurd things in the middle of the crowd. Maybe some people could form a circle and take a shit on the floor simultaneously as "I'm a Barbie Girl" blares on a stereo, while a bunch of others run around the inside and outside of the circle in opposite directions waving pom-poms while blowing kisses to everyone in the Trump crowd. Then a group could come through dressed like ballerina gorillas and sweep all of the excrement into a pile in the center of the circle, whereby a morbidly obese, naked man or woman waltzes in, smothers the pile with glitter, lights it on fire, and dances a most grotesque dance to Bette Davis's "I've Written a Letter to Daddy." Then, suddenly, all 1,000 of the Ethel Mermans would form a chorus line and break into singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses" followed by "There's No Business Like Show Business," and douse the crowd with hundreds of pounds of glitter and decapitated Barbie dolls. The protest would be topped off by a massive orgy of Ethel Mermans and ballerina gorillas right in the middle of the arena. The Trump crowd's sucker punches would be frozen in mid-air! Shock! Terror! Awe!

#humor #trump #prose #trumprally #absurd